Invisible in Public asks:
Whenever my husband and I go out together, I feel like the Invisible Woman! My husband stares at other women and seeks constant attention from them in front of me. At home, we are really close, and I feel more love than I ever have before. But in public I feel in the way and lonely. My insecurities come up. I feel like I can’t trust him.
We have a very good ability to talk about anything. I try really hard to listen and understand, but it continues to happen no matter what. He knows how I feel and how much it hurts me. He says he doesn’t know how to stop.
This has destroyed many friendships of mine, because my even my women friends respond to him constantly. I am left feeling uncomfortable. Is there something I can do to make it easier on me? Or is there a healthy way for us to work this out in my marriage that will not cause me to shut him out? (I have a tendency to just withdraw and protect myself.)
He is willing to face it and just doesn’t know how. Honestly, we have looked at it from every angle and we are lost. What’s it going to take for him to see only me?
Tattood Buddhist is Hugging you an answer!
Well, my dear, this is not a simple question, and I must say there is no simple answer to this issue. It sounds like the two of you were drawn together to work on some very deep healing together. Well, then again, isn’t that the truth with relationships… we are always perfect for each other, when we understand that our partners are there to help us see the deepest wounds that need healing within our own Self.
That being said, I can just hear the murmuring crowd out there insisting that you must leave him and move on. My feelings are to see him with compassion, and understand that his behavior stems from deep wounding. If you see love and connection as the deeper Truth of your relationship, then by all means, stay the course.
Let’s “Nutshell” this, shall we?
History is written with women trying to change their men and correct their weaknesses.
You cannot fix him… only he can. Will he do the work needed, like therapy or possibly addiction work?
You only option is to do your own work around this issue, because you drew him in for a reason.
You must decide if you can live with this or not, if it never changes.
This issue goes beyond just your love relationship as we see that your friendships with women are also at risk.
When you look around at all of your relationships, how many feel healthy? You are the common denominator in all of them. You are your own solution.
Your own issues go directly back to your personal history. These were in place long before you met him. So that is your work to continue … a lifetime’s work. It is very important to understand that as you do your own deep personal work, you will change. As you heal your own wounded self; release your insecurities and your co-dependency, it is likely that this situation will become intolerable if it does not change.
My best advice to you, girlfriend, is get Thee to Therapy! The best scenario is for each of you to begin Individual Therapy and then together to do Couples Therapy. If you cannot afford to do all of that at once, start with the Couples Therapy and go from there. The more you learn to honor and care for your own Self, the more you learn to see the Sacredness of you, the more visible will become to yourself and of course, to that man you love.
Learn to let your Light Shine, my dear! Tattood Buddhist is watching for your beautiful Light to brighten her day!